Nate Varrone

9:40 pm - Thu, Jan 5, 2012

12 notes

Coca-Cola Ads

Cheers to New York City being crushed by an enormous Coca-Cola meteor from outer-space!

Me: Hey, Sun?

Sun: Yeah?

Me: You realize that by taking a sip of that Coke, you just crushed all four inner planets, killing billions of women and children. Not to mention, all multicellular life in our solar system. 

Sun: Oh, c’mon, baby. It’s all good!

Me: No, it’s not all good! 

Sun: I was hot, baby! I needed some hydration.

Me: You really think Coke is the greatest means of hydration? Drink some water you fucking asshole.

Sun: Hey, hey, hey now, baby. C’mon! 

Me: Stop touching me, Sun.

Sun: Haha, yeah?

Me: Get the fuck off of me. 

Sun: Ok, ok. No need to be hostile now!

Me: You look like a fat Dick Cheney who smokes weed. 

 

“Drink up, kids. Because Momma is probably going to die. She’s probably going to starve herself just to keep you two bastards alive. When I die, which will be very soon, you probably won’t even be fully developed or have the maturity levels to fend for yourself in the Arctic. So you’ll probably die too, both of you. We’re all going to die. Not just us, but everyone. Your Father, you Aunts, Uncles, and all your friends you hold near and dear to your heart. They’re all going to die and polar bears won’t exist anymore. But for now, enjoy this Coke.”

General: Doug, where the fuck were you?

Doug: Well, I was mighty thirsty, General, a-a-a-a-and I saw this Coca-Cola sign.

General: Doug, your whole fleet died. Did you even get a Coke?

Doug: No. It was just a sign.

1.) Elves are not that small, Coke.  2.) Santa is wasted. He’s going to drop that hammer.

“Ah, yes! When I’m done having my breasts floured by hundreds of slaves, I like to enjoy a Coke! I’m also twelve-years old but married to a rich nobleman from France. Someone help me. These clothes itch very badly. There’s a small man inside of my hat.”